Friday, March 4, 2016

Environmental Prevention Agency

Nok: That was an acceptable landing Skipper.

Ensign: Thanks Mr. Nok. That’s high praise coming from you.

Tivk: Wouldn’t high praise be something like ‘stupendous’?

Mukh: Stupendous, colossal, epic, awesome, incredible ...

Ensign: I choose to interpret it as high praise.

Nok: As you wish. I meant acceptable. This is your first flight on a Shaker Class shuttle?

Ensign: Aye. She has a mind of her own.

Nok: ‘She’? You know many 50 ton females?

Ensign: … I have this auntie …

Mukh: I think I have the same auntie!!

Tivk: I thought your race was gender fluid?

Mukh: You try telling my Aunt Flloxxa that. I dare you.

Ensign: I begin to understand what the Doc is talking about. Okay I’m going to the supply warehouse and getting the stuff Cook ordered. I hope you like mac and cheese.

Nok: I’ll get the berthing ticket validated.

Ensign: Right.

Tivk: Better you should disarm an Ion torpedo with your feet than deal with the Procurement Branch.

Mukh: Better to swim in a hydrogen sulphide font.

Nok: Better to go six rounds with my Ex.

Tivk: …

Mukh: …

Nok: When she enters a room the Slugs jump on chairs.

Mall Cop: Good morning. Excuse me?

Nok: What am I excusing you for?

Tivk: … hmmph.

Mukh: You always get to say it. Give him this one. Bad divorce and all …

Mall Cop: Huhhrumph. Right … You’re going to have to move this overgrown thing.

Mukh: I have every right to be here! I’m a Polity citizen!

Mall Cop: …

Tivk: The /shuttle/.

Mukh: That is no way to speak of the Flloxxa Mukh!

Nok: Why?

Mall Cop: Are you the pilot?

Nok: I’m a pilot. What?

Mall Cop: You have to move it. These berths are for emission friendly vehicles.

Tivk: I assure you, the … Flloxxa has passed Fleet Safety Regulations. I tested her myself.

Mall Cop: Not the point. See that emblem on the tarmac?

Tivk: It is a green convex icon.

Mukh: It’s a pupil.

Nok: I don’t see it.

Mall Cop: You’rea  vole. You guys are all color blind.

Nok: And you dolphin-monkeys are heat blind but I don’t go rubbing your snouts in it.

Mall Cop: That symbol is for environmentally friendly vehicles! This war surplus boat of yours emits high levels of depleted ionite, coolant, and quark juice.

Mukh: This thing sounds more like Aunt Flloxxa every minute. Just missing a bottle of Vacc Jack in her flipper.

Tivk: The shuttle’s emissions are well within regulations.

Mall Cop: Well the shuttle don’t make ‘friendly’ emission regulations.This bus of yours put out more crap than half the shuttles in this lot put together.

Tivk: It is bigger than the shuttles in this lot put together. Now if you should compute her emissions on a microgram per ton rate we’d probably be cleaner than these …

Nok: ‘Belly up hangar queens’.

Tivk: … what he said. I don’t speak ‘Pilot’.

Mukh: It wasn’t nice.

Tivk: I gathered that. He is rarely complimentary.

Mall Cop: Look you characters … move that ship by the time I get back here or I’m throwing you out of the lot!

Nok: Doubtful. Go away or I will land the Flloxxa on your cadre of odd little two wheel vehicles you must drive standing up.

Mall Cop: Let’s not start rough talking. This is a mall regulation. The vehicles with higher emission rates don’t get prefered parking.

Tivk: So you show preference to the people driving less polluting shuttles by making the more polluting shuttles drive around increasing their emissions?

Mall Cop: It’s an incentive to operate less polluting vehicles!

Mukh: What do you do when every drives less polluting vehicles?

Mall Cop: Besides … flying around waiting for a berth … what does it generate? A few hundred picograms of emissions. What’s the big deal?

Tivk: But if it makes no real difference … nnnnngh.

Nokk: Thanks. You broke the beanpole.

Mukh: Tivk has the look Doc gets … when he has to deal with us for too long.

Mall Cop: Move the shuttle! Now!

Nok: Can’t. Skipper went to get supplies. He has the key card. Here he comes. We’re going shopping.

Tivk: Those little two wheeled things move pretty fast.

Mukh: Poor Ensign. There they go. Humans fighting … they don’t sound like dolphins. Hope Ensign is okay.

Nok: He’ll be fine. They let me off with a warning first time I did this.

Tivk: True the angry mob didn’t chase us until your third or fourth berthing infraction.

Mukh: Good thing they didn’t have them two wheeled things!

Tivk: Let’s rent a couple. They look like fun.

Nok: … sure. we can cruise for chicks.

Mukh: Yum!