Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Another Fine Mess

GCS Tesla Messhall
Doc: First I would like to thank you all for volunteering some time for this survey.


Riasi: Volunteer nothing! You promised me a foot rub when this was over.


M’Ffe: I want a foot rub too.


Helm: If they get foot rubs, I want one.


Doc: You’re married for God sakes!


M’Ffe: Separated at the moment and Nok wouldn’t rub my feet if it could cure death and taxes.


Riasi: Dolphin, that’s three foot rubs you owe us. Better clear your schedule. I get at least an hour.


M’Ffe: Unless you want to continue this survey with the males.


Helm: Hahahahahahahahaha!


Riasi: What is so funny.


Helm: I don’t think Mr. Tivk would let the Doctor rub his feet. Wait, the Doctor and the Tivk are both males, right? I get confused with only two sexes.


Riasi: Male. And beanpoles prefer having their ears stroked.


Doc: Ladies! Please!


Riasi: Three. Foot rubs. Sixty. Minutes. Each Deal?


Doc: … deal …


Riasi: Make sure you trim your claws first. He’s a surgeon and needs his hands in good order.


Doc: -The Fleet is making an ongoing effort to assure the health and comfort of its enlisted and allied species crews. We have new field rations we would like your opinions on. Now I’d like you each to take the color coded boxes for your species, Helm you get blue, Riasi red and Ms. Nok gets black … Error I said black Ms. Nok.


M’Ffe: I can’t see this blue you speak of! It looks black to me. Did you think of this scheme?


Doc: …


Helm: Here you go. You wouldn’t want my food. Cobalt based blood.


M’Ffe: Thank you. Oh for … Dark Mother’s Mercy. This is that macaroni and cheese N’Sa told me about! It is addictive!


Helm: Meep!


Doc: It’s not a narcotic.


M’Ffe: You Terrans want to indoctrinate us in it and spread its sale across the Local Bubble. I have seen reports.


Doc: Riasi, help me out here please?


Riasi: One second my love, I’m just asking Cook for a hamburger to put this on.


Helm: Oh I like those … They do not have the ham meat in them though. Why is that Doctor?


Doc: It’s named for the city where they originated: Hamburg.


Helm: Did they make them with ham there?


M’Ffe: Are there cities named Veggieburg and Tofuburg? You have those on the menu too.


Riasi: There is a place called Turkey and Buffalo. I looked them up.


M’Ffe: It seems very arbitrary.


Doc: You’re not supposed to eat burgers with these meals!


Cook: Here you go ladies: three burgers, one extra rare.


Riasi: Thank you, Cook!


Helm: Very good, Corporal.


M’Ffe: Could I have mushrooms on mine. I love mushrooms … And that cheese with the holes in it.


Doc: … I …


<<Psssht>>


Helm: He left. Are we done?


Riasi: He better give me my foot rub.


M’Ffe: This macaroni and cheese is actually pretty good.


Cook: Don’t eat that ma’am. I’ll make some fresh for all you ladies. Will the doctor be joining you?


Riasi: You gotta be kidding me.