Friday, September 2, 2016

Dogs and Men


Lt.: Okay We're here, what's the emergency ... the Hell?

Tivk: Hmmmm ... Oh. Apologies. I was focused on my meditations.

GAIA: Meditate ... defragging!

Tivk: Why do you sound surprised? You have a linguistic database. You know the meaning of the term.

GAIA: I do. But I just connected the two functions and found them analogous. That's a big step for me. So you are meditating ...

Lt.: While standing there naked ...

Tivk: This is not possible for humans? Ah, when you take your clothes off you immediately have the sex! But I am not merely naked. My hands are in this bowl of sand from the homeworld: Sand.

Lt.: Yes but ... you're still ...

Tivk: I have my hands in sand. I explained that to you.

Lt.: You really didn't.

GAIA: It's a cultural thing. He's decent.

Tivk: Ah ... they restored your wireless connection little one.

GAIA: No! But I read a lot.

Lt.: What did you call me for?

Tivk: Dog. He is having a cognitive dissonance.

Lt.: A ... what?

Tivk: He has my slipper and refuses all entreaties and commands to return it to me.

GAIA: Is that a software or hardware issue with the model? What ... he's as artificial as I am ... nearly.

Lt.: Oh for ... I thought I saw it all when you ran screaming from squirrels on Contra-Terra!

Dog: Woof!

Tivk: Do not yell at me on front of my animal. He's sensitive.

Lt.: Hey ... noodlehead! Gimme that slipper!

<Scuffle scuffle>

GAIA: What can I do?

Lt: Stay out of the way! He likes chewing on you!

Tivk: She is made of polymers similar to the chew toy I purchased Dog. It is understandable. I suppose the Lieutenant would not be familiar with such things.

GAIA: Think again. Ohh ... he got it! I was concerned after that lobster handed him his ass at the restaurant.

Lt.: Who's a good boy? Whoooza good boy?

Tivk: Why are you keeping him in suspense? Is he a good boy or not? Obviously not.

Lt.: He's a very good boy.

Dog: Woof!

Lt.: Dogs like to grab a possession and play at keeping it from you. It's socializing.  They also use it to try to establish dominance.

Tivk: He is thwarted then. You are thwarted, Dog! Thank you Lieutenant. Now I will properly attire myself.

Lt.: Great!

Tivk: Hand me my other slipper please. Thank you, GAIA. I will resume meditation now. You may join me or leave. I really don't care.

Lt.: What about ... attire?

Tivk: Proper attire. Slippers. The deck gets awfully cold. Next time please use the door chime before you enter. You might have caught me with my feet in the sand. That would be embarrassing.