Friday, September 23, 2016

The Hero's Worry List

Steps in the Evolution of a Hero (and what can go wrong)

The Call to Adventure
1) The Call is collect
2) The Call is in another language ... why didn't you learn your native tongue?!
3) The Hero is out and lets the machine get it. Machine runs out to adventure!
4) The wrong person gets the Call
5) Call is from Cthulhu
6) Wrong person gets the call. Hilarity of a lethal nature ensues

Meeting a Mentor
1) The Mentor is wanted. Hero turns them in.
2) The Mentor is scary looking/has a creepy voice/pointy spikes on his armor or speaks a different language
3) Mentor is a deadbeat with a number of bills and creditors hounding him (mentoring doesn't pay well
4) Mentor is late
5) Hero is early
6) The place of their fated meeting is a parking lot/market/drug den/shopping mall

Crossing a Threshold
1) Hero trips and face plants
2) It's the wrong Threshold (Mentor: I never told you go THERE!)
3) Hero is lost once he's past the Threshold.
4) It's a trap. Get the Mentor off his ass.
5) The Threshold to Adventure/Rapture/Enlightenment is in a parking lot/market/drug den/shopping mall
6) Hero returns, gets lost and reappears in  parking lot/market/drug den/shopping mall

Trials and Failures
1) Death (just kidding. It said 'failures'. Death would curtail that.)
2) Medical bills
3) Law suit for collateral damage
4) Law suit for assault and battery
5) Criminal charges
6) Enraged criminals charging!
7) Evil Overlord/Forces of Good sit up and notice (whichever is worse)
8) Sword of Power is stuck in a rock/tree/the Evil Overlord's armor
9) Mentor is stuck in a rock/tree/the Evil Overlord's armor
10) Something crosses that damned Threshold.

Growth and New Skills
1) Wrong skill set
2) Important skill missing
3) Hero wants to use new skills to pick up a hottie
4) Hero needs taking down a peg. Mentor obliges to show the Hero isn't as good as it appears
5) Hero is as good as it appears. Several weeks lost while Mentor heals up and must be hand fed soup.
6) Evil Overlord/Forces of Good sit up and notice (whichever is worse) after some muscle flexing and showing off to pick up a hottie

Death and Rebirth
1) No Rebirth 
2) Gender swap!
3) Hero requires several replacement parts. Must be ordered out.
4) Hero has amnesia
5) Mentor drowns his sorrows and is a sad shell by the time Hero claws out of their dirt nap
6) Trifeca Fuster Cluck: Hero reborn in a totally different, gender-swapped, amnesiac form!

1) Hero is Evil Overlord's bastard
2) Hero is Evil Overlord's gex                                                nder swapped bastard
3) Evil Overlord is the Hero's future self
4) Evil Overlord is the Mentor
5) Mentor is Hero's parent
6) Hero is Mentor's parent!!
7) Forces of Good aren't what they seem
8) Evil Overlord isn't so evil. More of an evil Overlord.

Finally Changes
1) Hero accepts his destiny and role, becomes a total asshole
2) Hero accepts his destiny and role, becomes a preachy asshole
3) Hero accepts wrong destiny
4) Hero accepts wrong role
5) Hero is into roleplaying
6) No one accepts Hero

Gets a Gift
1) Wrong Gift
2) Wrong Hero
3) Wrong size
4) Wrong color
5) No instruction manual
6) Gift is on order.

The Return (Metamorphosis)
1) No one recognizes Hero
2) Hero doesn't recognize anyone
3) Mentor doesn't recognize hero
4) Hero doesn't recognize Mentor
5) Hero doesn't recognize self
6) Nothing fits Hero anymore

The End
1) Repeat as necessary: Heroes never die
2) Repeat as necessary: Heroes have offspring
3) Repeat as necessary: Heroes have imitators
4) Repeat as necessary: Evil Overlord ensures a steady supply of Heroes to keep sharp