Tuesday, January 3, 2017

The Robots Strike Back

Having written a lot about an AI character (most of it sympathetic if not obliging) I feel it is only fair to present a table for the bots out there. Some people like playing them.

Where the #$%* Is that Human (Fleshbag)?! Roll a d20 or pick  reason.
1) Recharging. Believe it or not humans only need about 8 hours of sleep per day and can go several days without it. You just lucked out. Your human sleeps.
2) Defragging. Also sleeping.
3) Undergoing preventive maintenance. They are probably removing unwanted hair or dead epidermis. They do this a lot.
4) Installing upgrades. This is sometimes called a makeover. It's like changing a desktop only on their faces.
5) Getting a wash (humans get dirty too.)
6) Stuck on a job running longer than expected. This is probably payback by one of us.
7) Getting a software upgrade. The noncoms refer to this as attitude adjustment.
8) Someone forgot to turn it back on. It got turned on, doesn't want to get turned off or down or something.
9) Broke down and needs a push hand to the elevator. Note: take malfunctioning humans directly to medical section. Do not push them.
10) Swapping new code with another human. They call it gossip.
11) Distracted by something on the interweb. You. Don't. Want. To. Know.
12) Suffering from conflicting orders and needs a robot to resolve a problem.
13) Has a virus. Again. You. Don't. Want. To. Know.
14) Planning to take over the ship. This is usually not good for humans or robots.
15) Engaged in a lively discussion of odd robot practices with peers. Like they should talk.
16) Someone locked them in a compartment by mistake.
17) Eating or drinking. They can get very elaborate about this.
18) In a timeout. Bad human!
19) Someone grabbed them to help on a job and won't let go.
20) Walking around out on the hull. Make sure they are wearing appropriate apparel. This can be a serious matter for humans. Note that it is a nontrivial matter for many of us; read your warranty.