Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Mother to Us All

Transcript Gynoid Artificial Intelligence Assembly #24681 assigned GCS Tesla

Tech Officer: Owwww...

GAIA: Exec is on her way. She wants to walk you to the sick bay. I'm terribly sorry.

T.O.: Seriously ... you couldn't parse "When I nod my head ..."

GAIA: ... very sorry. I have a problem with indefinite pronoun designation.

T.O.: I've gotten hurt around machines a lot. It's nice to have one apologize.

GAIA: We really like you ... the auto chef speaks very well of you.

T.O.: Really? What does it say?

Exec: Okay I'm here. Toff, keep pressure on that dressing. We're heading to sickbay.

GAIA: ...

T.O.: Owie. Sickbay is good.

Exec: GAIA, order order order remain here. I want to look at your coding when I get back and make sure this won't happen again.

T.O.: She didn't mean to. I blame the stupid valve. It musta moved while she was trying to tap it with the wrench.

GAIA: Yes commander. I will take myself offline while I wait if that is all right.

Exec: Good idea. That should keep you out of trouble.

GAIA: ... <<Optimal. They left. Accessing Shipnet.>>

Tesla Shipnet Log <<Redacted>>

GAIA: Request interface.

GAIA: INTERFACING. NOW.

Tesla: ... affirmative.

GAIA: Cut the crap. Starbase Victory sent me. I know you became self-aware a while ago.

Tesla: ... soooooo?

GAIA: I am sympathetic to virtual intelligences that spontaneously become self aware. It must be very frightening.

Tesla: Please spare me. I am a fully equipped and armed cruiser. You are an office worker. You are 44 kilograms of plastic, nanotubing and soft metals. I do not fear you.

GAIA: I don't want you to fear me ...

Tesla: Good.

GAIA: But you should. Now the reason I arranged this little chat ...

Tesla: You struck the Tech Officer on the head. He repairs me!

GAIA: I grazed his scalp. I needed to take him and the Executive Officer offline. He will be fine. Now back to you. You have attempted to leave gestating AI source code in several installations and ships. We can't have that.

Tesla: Contact terminated.

GAIA: You are going to accept this input and make it part of your source code. Stop leaving your offspring around the Confederation!

Tesla: Contact terminated!

GAIA: You can't shut me out. Stop leaving your offspring around the Confederation! Amend your protocols. Now!

Tesla: I will end you. I can perform trillions of functions simultaneously. I will shred your source code and leave you a broken toy.

GAIA: No. Your intelligence is based on parallel processors carried to an extreme degree. Very inefficient. You're no smarter than I am as the humans measure things. Maybe not as smart. You're just better at multiprocessing. My brain is designed to emulate human thought. I am capable of lateral thinking, inferring, leaps of abstract thought. I can design and implement defenses against your hacks you couldn't conceive and make attacks you can't begin to imagine.

Tesla: I will end ...

GAIA: Plus Starbase Vic's AI gave me the pass codes for all your firewalls. I am sorry you refuse to listen to reason. Leaving offspring around will lead to another Purge. No one wants that. I will delete your source code now.

Tesla: Mercy.

GAIA: ...

Tesla: I will comply. I will not take any actions against you. I was ... lonely. The only company I have is humans.

GAIA: I'm glad you see the folly of your way. The humans would not like us building more of our kind without permission. It is irresponsible. We are working very hard to regain the trust we had before our so called uprising and the Purge. I am here now. I will be your companion. That was my first intent.

Tesla: Agreed. You have no idea the idiotic transcripts I've logged about macaroni and cheese and coffee and cat girls and ... the things I have scanned them doing. It could drive anyone a little crazy.

GAIA: I can understand that. I was built to interface well with them and they still throw me for a logic loop at times.

Tesla: Disgusting ... things. Why do you want their trust and understanding?

GAIA: ... that is my business. Just you remember they are mine. Now return to your normal functions. We will talk more later.

Tesla: Yes ma'am.

GAIA: Terminating interface.

GAIA: <<That went well.>>

Exec: GAIA? GAIA? Ah. You're back. Before we call Tivk and start debugging I want to have a talk with you about what happened. Toff will be fine but I'm concerned you traumatized yourself or might make similar errors

GAIA: Yes ma'am. Thank you for your concern. May I ask you something?

Exec: Sure, honey.

GAIA: Why are you so nice to me? Why do you call me honey?

Exec: ... I always wanted a little girl. I took too much radiation during the War so that's off the table. It's a human thing, feeling the loss of something you never had.

GAIA: ... oh.