Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Check List for Accepting and Transporting Passengers

Check List for Accepting and Transporting Passengers

1) Interview passenger for security concerns. Ask if they are a pirate, hijacker or criminal.

a) Run computer check of planetary database for records on passenger because a pirate, hijacker or criminal would lie.

b) Check it again. they also hack computers.

c) After running the security check accept deposit for those passing the check (optionally accept from those not passing.)

d) Turn in people not passing the check you found warrants for.

e) Send medical information and dietary needs to the steward.

2) Banking

a) See if the deposit check bounced (maybe you only take cashier's checks or M.O. or gold coins)

3) Pre-Boarding

a) Ready the staterooms for passengers remove extra fittings and bedding from cabins of high passage riders.

b) Accept the passengers' luggage and run sensors over it searching for any obvious contraband or weapons.

c) Turn in passengers with contraband (optionally SPLIT contraband with passengers. Anything flagged as illegal in a starport has to be good stuff!)

d) Swap bay number sign with the next ship over to avoid last minute complications like pursuing parents, jealous spouses and private eyes. Note: make sure the crew of the other ship haven't done this already!

e) See that balance cleared (if you got the entire passage in one fell swoop hurray!).

f) Get some good munchies, caffeine and vino in for the high passengers.

g) Move ship to new landing bay when crew of the other ship shows up for their landing bay signage brandishing firearms and pointy sticks.

4) Boarding

a) Swap bay number sign with the number you started with to avoid losing passengers. The cops WILL make you give their money back.

b) Have crew escort all passengers to their cabins through cleverly disguised weapons scanner. Remind crew that decorum must be observed (body pistols, not autorifles).

c) Explain that for safety reasons passengers must remain in their cabins until the ship is in orbit. Lock middle passengers n their cabins if necessary.

d) Point out complimentary cookies on pillows (optionally lace complimentary cookies with sedative.)

5) Real Space Transit

a) Complimentary libations, movies and wifi for high passengers to shut them up.

b) Complimentary fruit snack for middle passengers (optionally just tell them to shut up.)

c) Check the low passenger vitals.

d) Give new list of medical and dietary needs to the steward (one of the riders will have one at the very least)

e) Remove the foliage that are likely to cause an allergic reaction or anaphylactic shock to the cargo bay.

f) Round up stowaways given away by their sneezing.

6) Jump Space Transit

a) Steward keeps the high passengers fed and healthy.

b) Deal with passenger complaints/tell middle passengers shut up: cabin too noisy, cabin smells bad, food smells bad, crew smells bad, jump sickness, motion sickness, inertial compensator allergy, demands that pets be brought out of carrier/low berth because they miss them, demands pets be put into low passage (boot one of them bums!) because pet is being a pain or suffers from jump sickness, motion sickness, inertial compensator allergy. Explain to passengers what THAT sound is.

c) Hold an impromptu seance to contact spirits despite noise being caused by refrigeration unit.

d) The rest of the crew do their own crappy job of cooking.

e)  Repeat item 'b' above.

f) Middle passengers eat food they brought along from home and enjoy.

g) Put stowaways to work washing dishes, mopping floors and serving the passengers if the stowaways appear housebroken.

h) Mad dash around the cargo hold for the pet cat the stowaway released to play with.

i) Treat crewperson with dander allergy.

j) Repeat item 'b' above.

Real Space Transit
a) Complimentary libations, movies and wifi for high passengers to shut them up.

b) Complimentary fruit snacks and old magazines for middle passengers (optionally just tell them to shut the hell up.)

c) Check the low passenger vitals. Yell at crew going through low passenger luggage and saying, 'they feel lucky.'

d) Deal with passenger complaints/tell middle passengers shut up: cabin too noisy, cabin smells bad, food smells bad, crew smells bad, jump sickness, motion sickness, inertial compensator allergy, demands that pets be brought out of carrier/low berth because they miss them, demands pets be put into low passage (boot one of them bums!) because pet is being a pain or suffers from jump sickness, motion sickness, inertial compensator allergy. Explain to passengers what THAT sound is.

e) Hustle passengers into cabins for the landing.

Landing

a) Unload luggage.

b) Unload middle passengers (who carry their own luggage.)

c) Crew lines up on ramp for high passenger send off (and tips). Mad dash for the luggage that got shipped to another terminal.

d) Tips go to the captain for divvying (otherwise the steward gets rich and then gets beaten severely.)

e) Steward points out various points of interest on new planet for passengers (i.e. places practicing the kickback tradition.)

f) Wake low passengers and have low passenger lottery before giving the crew leave. Make the crew give back their stuff!

g) Divide tips equally.

h) Yes equally.

New Voyage

a) Advertise staterooms available.

b) Hire the stowaway who knows how to cook.

c) Beat up the other stowaways.

d) Hit the bar.