Saturday, May 16, 2015

Who Let the Cat Out?

Korsa: Do you have any needs, cat-lady?

Riasi: You have been most generous, salle-Korsa. 

Korsa: You have the manners of a queen. You are a rare treasure to waste on less articulate and mannerly races. You speak my language and my name beautifully. 

Riasi: Okay, I’m blushing under my fur now. If I may make a request ... of course you will be compensated for your hospitality and cooperation by my superiors ...

Korsa: Compensation is always welcome. Oh pardon me! Domo, report. 

Domo: The enemy crew and their prisoners are all accounted for, salle-Captain. The captives are all transferred to our ship. The enemy crew is being returned to their stations ... most of them.

Korsa: Most? Who is still on our ship?

Domo: Sorry for being unclear. We don’t have any enemy crew onboard the Wanton Courtesan. We just returned a few enemy crew missing some unnecessary bits.

Riasi: That’d be my fault, salle-Korsa. I couldn’t see letting that scum of a jailer go with both his ears. The rest of my staff felt similarly. 

Korsa: Quite understandable. Their injuries will be of no importance.

Captain: Captain Korsa! I maintain this intercept and boarding action is completely unnecessary. My colleagues and I will be happy to pay you a princely sum for your protection. Far easier to collect that than stress your crew with this sort of attack.

Korsa: I can see why you want my protection there are a lot of pirates around here. 

Captain: I’m telling you.

Korsa: ... you’re lucky you were found by a mere pirate. If my father’s forces found you there would be no mercy, no chance for you. You'd be thrown in a pit full of your former victims while my relatives would watch and bet how long your death would take. 

Riasi: And the Terrans say your people are uncivilized.

Captain: Thank you for your mercy.

Korsa: I didn’t offer it. I will extend a small chance to you. Have your crew man their stations and run.

Captain: Come again?

Korsa: I said ‘run’! We open fire in one minute. Some of you might even live. I doubt it. My weapons officer is a freed slave. 

Captain: But ...!

Domo: Salle-Korsa is done with you. Take your one eared crewmen and point your nose at your rat hole! Leave before I let you taste the cat!

Riasi: I beg your pardon?!

Domo: Apologies my lady. We Terrans call the neural lash ‘the cat.’

Riasi: Oh. I’ll take it as a compliment! Give him a lick for me, Domo dear!

Domo: Indeed!

Captain: I’m going! I’m going! Man battle stations power up the tubes! Ngaaaah!

Korsa: Now what is this talk of favors and compensation?

Riasi: Oh! Yes! I need to get to the Tesla. I believe you know how to find her!